Category: life

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life

Session notes on CDI

I thought I’d share the notes I took during an early therapy session where we started learning about Child-Directed Interaction.

Parent Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT)

Helping the non-compliant child – (reference book)

(“parenting the strong-willed child” is the subtitle I believe)

Child-Directed interaction is similar to play therapy and is the first step of PCIT.

Things to do during CDI:

  • Behavioral description (sportscaster play-by-play, start with “you”, connect to present activity)
  • Reflection (reinforce and rephrase)
  • Labeled praise (praise specifics)
  • Imitate (do the things they do which are appropriate)

Avoid:

  • Commands (direct or indirect)
  • Questions (these take the initiative from the child – you are along for the ride)
  • Critical statements (this includes sarcasm)

Dealing with misbehavior during CDI:

  • Ignore anything that is not dangerous or destructive (don’t smile, frown, or react in other ways).
  • Stop your do’s.
  • Praise as soon as they act appropriately.
  • Stop the play for destructive or aggressive behavior.

Tips & Tricks:

  • Have specific toys that are for CDI
  • Have a specific place (like the kitchen table)
  • Have a regular time

Transfer to Parent-Directed Interaction (PDI) once 5 minutes of CDI produces 10 behavioral descriptions, 10 reflections, and 10 labeled praises and no more than a total of 3 questions, criticisms, and critical statements.

Look for the book 1-2-3 Magic

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life

Child-Directed Interaction

There are two primary elements of Parent Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT). The  initial element is Child Directed Interaction (CDI). This interaction is intended to strengthen the fundamental relationship between parent and child. The parents have the opportunity to see their child in a situation where the child feels safe and in control where they can pay uninterrupted attention to their child and practice some skills of interaction that help the child to feel that they are valued and appreciated. This should set the stage for the second element called Parent Directed Interaction (PDI).

CDI is meant to be a fairly free time for the child to express themselves it is surprisingly structured. Our therapist has recommended that we get a box filled with toys and activities that can be used for this interaction time. The child is then allowed to choose which toy or activity during each session. Sessions are short enough that the child should only be playing with one type of toy or activity during a given session.

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Education life

Parent-Child Interaction Therapy

When all attempts at progress either backfire or have no discernible effect its time to seek further insight and experience. Such has been the case for us recently as we have found it impossible with only the expertise of ourselves and our families to address the unacceptable behaviors that have been grinding upon the life of one of our children and by extension adding tension and discomfort in the lives of everyone else in the family. Our first visit with the therapist introduced a very hopeful path for us called Parent-Child Interaction Therapy. After the visit I started doing some research to find out what else I could learn about this therapy. What I found was that virtually all the information available was directed at a clinical audience – in other words it was all textbooks for therapists and those studying to become therapists. Besides that, I also learned as I talked with our therapist at the next visit about what I had found, that much of the information that is available is either inaccurate or simply out of date. She said that it seems that those with experience with PCIT have little interest in making information available to a lay audience because the information is most valuable when professional coaching is being given to the parents as they implement the principles of PCIT. While I have no expectation that parents without the help of a trained therapist would be able to get the full benefits of PCIT, I also believe that parents who are hearing about this and wondering if it really is useful for their situation, or perhaps parents like us before we met with our therapist who recognize a problem like ours but have no idea what might finally give them the breakthrough they need, should have more information available that is geared towards them which would provide an overview of the therapy. Because of that I have determined to take notes of our journey through PCIT and write publicly about this little adventure.

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culture life

Fixing the BCS Title Game


photo credit: avinashkunnath

It’s time to set the record straight on the difference between the best BCS football programs and the best non-BCS football programs in response to the ill-advised and self-serving comments of Ohio State President E. Gordon Gee. TCU did their part responding on the field by beating 11-1 Big Ten co-champion Wisconsin (from Mr. Gee’s own BCS conference) and people have noticed.

Mr. Gee’s claim was that the schedule in a non-BCS conference could not compare to the schedule in a BCS conference. The fact is that conference schedules account for only 2/3 of the season and that strong BCS programs rarely play a decent opponent outside of their conference. They’re too busy playing the “Little Sisters of the Poor”—either weak teams from weak conferences or teams that do not even play at the FBS level. (Of course there are some rivalry exceptions but they are a minority of non-conference contests among BCS programs.) Non-BCS programs spend most of their non-conference games playing the toughest teams that are willing to agree to play from BCS conferences.

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life

Bishop’s Tradition

Our bishop has a wonderful tradition during tithing settlement that I have really enjoyed. Each year as we sit down to make a declaration regarding our status as tithe-payers the bishop takes the opportunity to give us a gift of some doctrinal document that is not part of our scriptural canon.

It was exciting during his first year of tithing settlement (our first year in this ward so we didn’t initially realize that this was a tradition he was starting) the Bishop gave each member of the family – all six of us (kids included) – copies of The Family: A Proclamation to the World printed up in a size that fits inside a standard sized copy of the scriptures.

The next year he gave us seven copies, sized for a standard set of scriptures, of The Living Christ: The Testimony of the Apostles (he gave us one for Enoch even as young as he was). This year I was curious what he might give us. Those two documents are the two things I would be least surprised to one day see added to our scriptural canon. When we went to tithing settlement I was excited, in the wake of General Conference (which Bishop said was his inspiration for the choice), that Bishop gave us eight copies (one for Noah even though he was not yet born) of President Benson’s 1989 talk Beware of Pride in a standard scriptural size and broken into verses.

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life pictures

Welcome Noah

After weeks of Laura feeling like she was ready to be done with this pregnancy (despite the fact that we hoped it would last a little longer to get a few more things done around the house) we got the news on Tuesday that the midwife was concerned that the baby was breech. She had Laura go to the hospital to have the baby turned on Wednesday and said that if the baby was breech again for the visit next week she would want us to turn the baby again and induce labor. We spent a couple of days expecting to enter next week with the prospect of inducing labor – someone had other ideas.

Laura was having contractions off and on for much of Friday. After a Thanksgiving dinner with my side of the family we came home and Laura had concluded that labor was imminent. She planned to go to bed when we got home (at 5:00 pm) so that she could be rested. She took a sleeping pill and laid down – not five minutes later her water broke.

The labor was exciting based on the fact that she had a sleeping pill encouraging her body to postpone labor counteracted by Pitocin in her IV. To make matters more fun, as we neared the crowning the midwife discovered that the baby was oriented oddly again – face first. At 9:11 a swollen and bruised face emerged – just as the midwife had forewarned us when she discovered the orientation – and as I looked to finally identify the gender we had not previously determined I told Laura that “we have a Noah.”

Up to that point we had decided that I would choose the middle name if we had a boy but I had not yet settled on one. I soon knew what name to use – Noah Thomas Miller.

At 6 lbs. 8oz. and 20″ long he’s a healthy and happy little man.

Categories
life National politics

Saying “No” to the TSA

Laura and I have been talking about what we can do in response to the horrendous new TSA procedures. Inspired by Connor and Jesse I took a first step by sending this letter:

To: ata@airlines.org

To Whom It May Concern,

I have been appalled at the new security procedures being implemented by the TSA. I don’t consider myself a particularly frequent flyer but I have personally flown twelve times in the last nine years (usually with at least one family member flying with me) and I was planning flights to New York and Orlando next year for both personal and business purposes but after these latest changes in procedure I have determined that I will not take any further flights for any reason. I will avoid business travel that cannot be done on the ground and I see no reason to spend my money so that myself, my wife, or any of my children can be subjected to the full body image machines or the enhanced pat-downs that are now standard procedure by the TSA.

These new “security procedures” are all the more outrageous and intollerable because as far as I am aware passenger screenings have never stopped a single incident of someone trying to interfere with the normal operations of a flight. All such incidents have either been stopped before the would-be criminals approached the passenger screening area or else after they had successfully navigated the passenger screening procedures and boarded the plane.

I refuse to teach my children that nothing we have taught them regarding the sacredness of personal space – especially with regards to strangers – applies when they are inside an airport or when the stranger in question is wearing a uniform. Although others travel much more than I do, I will avoid all public air travel wherever possible and teach my six children to do the same so long as such degrading and unreasonable procedures are in place.

David Miller
Bountiful, Utah

Update 11/17/2010: I got a response to my letter this morning. Normally I would see little reason to share the response publicly but this response included some information that I think should be shared publicly for anyone who is concerned with this issue. Specifically, the response included two links where people can provide their feedback directly to the TSA:

While we will pass on your concerns to the TSA in our routine discussions, we suggest that you also comment directly to TSA – they have a moderated blog on these very subjects, which can be found at:

Enhanced Pat Down: http://blog.tsa.gov/2010/11/new-tsa-pat-down-procedures.html

?Advanced Imaging Technology (AIT) Scanner: http://blog.tsa.gov/2010/11/white-house-blog-backscatter-back-story.html

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life thoughts

My Wealth Target


photo credit: Dvorscak

When defining how much wealth you want it is important to first define what wealth is. It can’t simply be income because I think most people would agree that the person who earns $100,000 a year and spends $60,000 is better off (wealthier) than the person who earns $1,000,000 and spends $1,060,000. (Amazingly Congress does not believe this.) A few years ago I stated it this way:

Wealth is not about cash, it is about cash flow – to be wealthy all you really need to do is flow less cash out than in.

While I still believe that statement to be true, I consider it to be an incomplete definition of what it means to be wealthy. If you have more cash flowing in than flowing out then I think it is safe to say that you appear to be heading toward being wealthy as opposed to heading towards poverty but there must be a reason for keeping that extra cash flowing in which gets to the heart of what it means to be wealthy.

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life thoughts

Attack the Hills


photo credit: OldOnliner

Once upon a time I was a member of my high school cross country team. On the last race I ran with the team (end of the season) I learned a very valuable lesson about running. We had gone over the course in advance of the race so during the race I knew where I was relative to the end of the race – I knew how much further I had to go and how much energy to put in so that I would not run out before the finish line. As I came to the last long incline before the end of the race I knew that I could push myself and I decided to attack the hill. I was a short distance behind another runner, perhaps 15 yards, and I knew that I was in tenth place overall. As I attacked that hill I quickly closed the gap and overtook him shortly before the course turned and went down a steep incline to the final flat to the finish line. As I passed him, he sped up, not wanting to lose a place. I was still ahead when I got to the edge of the hill and I stretched my stride and let gravity carry me down faster than I could have sprinted and certainly faster than I could have gone if I had tried to remain in control of my pace. I got going so fast down that hill that my momentum on the flat carried me to very quickly catch up with two more runners who had not even been in sight when I started attacking a the bottom of that last hill.

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life thoughts

Not Enough


photo credit: garlandcannon

Sometimes I find myself feeling stuck in life; feeling that no matter what I do I have no real meaningful choices. I have described it as having, in any decision, a choice that is blatantly obvious (like deciding whether or not to wreck my car), or a choice that is meaningless (like deciding between Cheerios and Rice Krispies for breakfast).

Laura has asked me before if I have ever prayed for options and the answer is that I have with the result that I have still never felt like I had a real choice. Either the way was clear or the choice was inconsequential. As I thought about the feeling of impotence that comes with seeing no alternatives, no options to choose from, I realized that I was wrong about never having any options – especially in times that I have prayed for options. There have been plenty of instances where the choices really were black and white such that I would never take one of the options presented (wrecking my car for instance). The other times that I have felt stifled I realize that there are two different types of situations. First is when I have desired something only to be guided away from it. The second is when I have desired to do something and the answer from the spirit when I ask about pursuing it has essentially been “what are you willing to give for it?” The answer has virtually always been “not enough” or at least “not enough for the price that would likely be required.”

Anytime I am called upon to do something I am willing to do do whatever is necessary to complete the task but whenever I am left to choose my own direction I am unwilling to take significant risks for something I feel is entirely of my own choosing. That makes it sound like I don’t trust my own judgment, or that I don’t trust that I will be supported in my own choices.

There have been times when I have been willing to give enough but in the two cases that I can clearly recall – one resulted in me getting what I worked for on something that, so far as I can see, is transitory and unimportant while the other resulted in me putting in a lot of effort and making a lot of progress before I was instructed to abandon the pursuit (at least temporarily – maybe I have not seen the end of that yet).

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