While it’s not as entertaining as what “the FBI” sent me in 2008, the million dollar scam victims grant I recently received from Obama’s Foundation (based in the UK, right where Obama would set up shop I’m sure) has a high enough irony quotient (not least because of the trillions that Obama has been flinging around since he took office) to be worth sharing.
It laid out so well in my spam folder that I decided to share a screen shot rather than just the text.
Apparently the FBI just prevented me from receiving a large transfer of money from Nigeria -but I can have the money if I prove that it is not connected to drug or terrorist activities. I just have to share:
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION.
601 4TH STREET, NW.
WASHINGTON, DC. 20535. USA.
ATTENTION FUND BENEFICIARY,Dear Sir,
This is an official advice from the FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION (FBI). It has come to our notice that some certain individuals has used your name as the beneficiary of funds worth Millions of United States Dollars from Nigeria.
. . .
until you can be able to provide us with a Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST)document within 3 days from the local bank that authorize the transfer from where the funds was transferred from to certify that the funds that you are about to receive are terrorist/drug free or we shall have cause to impound the Payment and subsequent prosecution.
We shall release the funds immediately we receive this legal documents and make sure that you get your payment without any further delay.
——————————
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We have decided to contact you directly to acquire the proper verifications and proof from you to show that you are the rightful person to receive this fund, because of the amount involved. . . You are to forward the document to us immediately if you have it in your possession, if you do not have it,let us know so that we will direct you where to obtain the document and send to us so that we will ask the bank holding the funds, to go ahead and credit your account immediately.An FBI Identification Record and Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer (DIST) often referred to as a Criminal History Record or Rap Sheet, is a listing of certain information taken from fingerprint submissions retained by the FBI in connection with arrests and, in some instances, federal employment, naturalization, or military service.
These Condition Is Valid until 31st of November, 2008, after we shall take actions on canceling the payment and then charge you for illegally moving funds out of the country under the jurisdiction of the United Nations. Guarantee: Funds will be released on confirmation of the document.
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Final Instruction;
1. Credit payment instruction: Irrevocable credit guarantee.
2. Beneficiary has full power when validation is cleared.
3. Beneficiaries bank in U.S.A., can only release funds.
4. Upon confirmation from the World Bank / United nations.
5. Bearers must clear bank protocol and validation request.
————————————————————————————————. . .
We are sorry for what you have gone through and we want to provide justice.
Yours Sincerely,
Robert S. Mueller, III.
FBI Director.
I really need to hurry if I am to get this DIST by the 31st of November to redeem my millions before “These Condition Is Valid” No Longer.
For some time I have been wishing that my posts from my earlier blogs could be included in my archives here. There were some specific posts that I felt should be included so that I could refer back to them as appropriate. I finally went and added those old posts on Monday from archives I saved before I pulled my blog. I had been forced to pull it because of excessive spam which brought the server to its knees (which is obviously unacceptable on a shared server). Thankfully WordPress is not as vulnerable to the spam attacks I suffered back then with b2Evolution (and I would not be surprised to learn that my new host – HostMonster – has better defenses than my old host).
Yesterday I found one final post that was not included in the other archives. This was the last post on my old site and it explained why I was pulling the blog. What I found very interesting is that the date on that final post was December 17, 2005 – exactly 2 years prior to the day I restored those old posts.
I wonder if there’s something about December 17th that I should be wary of. 😉
In one of the rare bits of SPAM that gets through to me I found the following poorly written discounts:
Should I believe that these discounted items are selling at the higher price, or at the crossed out price? I guess these spammers aren’t making enough money to pay for a copy editor.
Three days ago I got a great idea from my spam email folder – wouldn’t it be funny to report the vast sums of money I have been approved for to “refinance” my house. I have since saved those refinance spam messages so that I could post the total. I thought it might also be fun to post all the lottery money I am apparently winning in random drawings. Instead I have decided that I will post any interesting information from my spam box when the fancy strikes me.
In the last 3 days I have been approved for $12,428,000 in refinance loans. The beauty of it all is that the largest of these loans is under $500,000. That’s starting to make my credit limit look puny.
The timing could not have been better. I have not been posting anything for months on my site. I have quit school and started working so I am approaching life and the subjects that I used to write about from a new angle and I have yet to find my new voice.Despite the good timing it is still aggravating to have to pull my blog down because I was getting deluged with spam and causing problems for my host. I think that part of my problem was the software that I was using to power my blog. I have heard the complaint many times asking why spammers would attack individuals and educational institutions etc. The answer is “just because they can.” I’m sick of it and I will be working on finding/making a blogging tool that is less vulnerable to spam. This is not because I don’t trust that there is good software out there, but also because I think the root way to really fight spam is to attack it from as many different angles as possible. Unfortunately the only effective method of stopping spammers is to make it financially unprofitable for them. That should be the end goal.
For the time being I will be trying to find my own voice again by commenting on other people’s blogs. Eventually I will be back to running my own blog again, but in the mean time I will leave static pages of some of the latest entries in the blogs that I had to pull.
I just read on Wired News about a spammer who was just convicted for “pumping out at least 10 million e-mails a day.” Why would a person do that for a living? Later in the article the answer came to me loud and clear as I learned that “prosecutors say he grossed up to $750,000 per month.” That’s a very compelling argument – especially to someone who recently viewed $12,000 per year as a raise.
As a bonus he never had to worry about his internet access since he used 16 high-speed lines for sending out all that email.