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culture

After #MeToo


Image from BBC News

I read an article arguing that we should have a zero-tolerance attitude toward sexual predators and felt compelled to write an argument for a more realistic approach. I realize now that part of my feeling was a visceral reaction to the zero-tolerance concept which has frequently resulted in outrageously unreasonable consequences over things less serious than sexual predators in places such as elementary schools.

Like all pushes for zero-tolerance – regardless of the subject – the basic idea was rooted in good intentions and certainly deserves thoughtful consideration (as opposed to a visceral reaction). I loved the open callout against partisanship – demanding that Democrats go no softer on Sen. Franken or Rep. Conyers than they do on Roy Moore just as Republicans should go not one ounce softer on Roy Moore than they do on Sen. Franken or Rep. Conyers. (Hint, hint, Mr. President) That part I wholeheartedly agree on.

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life thoughts

My Top Books for a Personal Library

Book corner
Photo by: Islxndis

JP and Bryce did a podcast on building a man’s library (almost 5 months ago – and I just finished listening to it). In the podcast they had top-5 lists from four people plus two more books from a fifth person and they invited listeners to compile their own top-5 lists.

Before I share my top-5 list I’d like to say that I really liked how their focus wasn’t about promoting some definitive list but on talking about how and why to develop a library of books based on your own values and interests. Considering that core message I want to share my thoughts on the lists they shared (as a point of reference) and how I chose my list (especially considering that I had the benefit of listening to the podcast and hearing the lists that were already shared there).

Categories
culture

Promiscuity Culture is a War on Women

EoS

In a mere seven sentences, the latter part of this article exposes how a culture of promiscuity constitutes a real war on women in four points.

In work done by sociologist Paula England, more than half of college women surveyed reported feeling less respected by men after casual sex. Meanwhile, college men are less interested than women in a relationship both before and after sex. In addition, more women reported highly unsatisfying sexual encounters, often feeling that they were treated as sexual objects by the men involved.

Yet they continued to have casual sex anyway, because when the cost of sex is low, women feel enormous pressure to give in. Many men even expect this–so much so that survey data indicate 3-5 percent of college women are victims of rape or attempted rape every year.

Yet the victimization doesn’t end there. When contraception fails, whether after consensual casual sex or an alcohol-fueled dorm-rape, men turn to abortion as a way to mitigate their responsibility.

Let’s go beyond my initial “well, duh” reaction and explore the why behind and the implications coming from each of these points.

Categories
culture

Pornography and Addiction

2166909652_a8de7b7f79_b
Image by Dalibor Levícek

Art of Manliness recently did a series of articles on pornography which covered the history, neurochemistry, and consequences of porn use from a scientific and data-backed perspective. The whole series is worth reading and if you think porn is harmless or even beneficial it will have you checking your assumptions on the subject. As much as I liked the series I was mildly disappointed that when discussing the pitfalls of too much porn use Brett refused to call pornography an addiction. Here’s his take:

What about when porn use turns into a full-blown addiction? Is that another one of its pitfalls? Can it even truly become an addiction or is it just a habit?

Suffice it to say, these questions are the subject of much heated debate.

Currently the DSM-5, the Bible of psychiatric diagnosis (which, just like the actual Bible, is super controversial) does not consider behaviors like porn use, eating, or gambling, to be addictions. Only dependence on substances, like drugs, alcohol, and nicotine, are “officially” considered addictions. You can have a look at the criteria the DSM-5 lays out for substance abuse dependence, here. The list includes things like strong cravings for the substance, the creation of professional and relationship problems, needing more and more of the substance to get the same high as before, difficulty quitting, and withdrawal symptoms when doing so.

Looking over that list, one can easily see how certain behaviors outside drug and alcohol use would seem to qualify as an addiction. Millions of people have reported behaviors like compulsive gambling, shopping, and web surfing as meeting several of the criteria.

So, while the DSM-5 still does not currently consider behaviors to technically be addictions, a case could be made for labeling compulsive porn viewing as such. Different studies have both supported and contradicted the idea of porn being addictive. Given the length of this post, I won’t go into the details of these studies; this article from the APA does a good job examining the two sides of the issue. Ultimately, drawing the line between habit and addiction is always going to be subjective, no matter what scientific research and opinions are brought to bear on the question.

I also admit that there isn’t a consensus agreeing that pornography can be an addiction but I want to explore why I think Brett is wrong to reject that label.

Categories
culture

Responsibility as the Core of Manliness

Manly Ideals
Photo by Meg Stewart

In February I asked this question: “What one word most closely encapsulates what it means to be a man?” In my mind the word was “responsibility” and while there were other good responses to the question they all fell in that same vein. When JP and Bryce first began reviewing lists of the essential traits of manhood on the Sons of Adam podcast I noticed that JP kept calling out how the various traits each came down to a man taking some form of responsibility.

After comparing my list with Bryce’s list and again after JP’s list was discussed, I decided that I would like to call out the element of responsibility in each item of each list. I’ll explain and group items together as it seems appropriate.

Categories
culture life

JPs list

The Sons of Adam podcast this week covered JP’s list of the traits of manhood. I thought it was a good list which helps me further flesh out my understanding of what defines a man. I’m recording JP’s list here for future reference because I expect to come back and review it and to use it in some upcoming posts.

I don’t intend to offer any commentary on JP’s list here but I am going to publicly encourage JP to get a blog where he can share his thoughts directly anytime he has thoughts that he thinks deserve more than passing consideration. It would be a great complement to the podcast.

JP’s List

  1. Become an adult i.e. a responsible, productive member of society
  2. Develop a manly attitude: including
    • reverence for motherhood and womanhood
    • defaults to:
      • rejecting passivity
      • accepting responsibility
      • leading courageously
  3. Become a protector i.e. stand in front and take the brunt of uncertainty—providing safety for others, especially your family
  4. Become a provider: men HAVE to work. (Of course the quantity and type of work may be dependent upon physical and/or intellectual limitations for each individual.)
  5. Become a patriarch for your family
    • spiritual leader of your home
    • the one who directs the work of the priesthood in the home
Categories
culture

Fatherhood vs Manhood

Manhood Ideals
Photo by Jim Larrison

When Bryce and JP reviewed Bryce’s list of “what makes a man a man” I found myself thinking that Bryce’s list felt narrow in that it seemed to focus on fatherhood as if a man isn’t a man unless he is a father. My gut reaction was that a man can be a man (even a good man) without ever being a father or even wishing to be a father. The difference between my thinking and Bryce’s was made clear when my list was discussed on the podcast and they noted that Bryce took the view of defining what separated a man from a woman while I took the view of defining what separated a man from a boy. Let’s explore the difference between manhood and fatherhood and how I feel about Bryce’s focus on fatherhood in defining manhood.

Categories
culture thoughts

Commentary on “What is a Man (Again)”

Journey to Manhood
Photo by Rishi Bandopadhay

I was pleasantly surprised to hear JP and Bryce discuss my list of the Traits of Manhood on The Sons of Adam. Between their discussion of my list and their discussion of Bryce’s list the week before I am formulating three new posts that I hope to get feedback on as I further my definition of manhood. For today I’d like to share some of the thoughts I had as I listened to their podcast. (I had no forewarning that they were discussing my list and no preconceived notions of how it would be interpreted.) This post will touch only on those traits where I had thoughts in response to the podcast and will go in the order that those thoughts came.

Categories
life thoughts

Traits of Manhood

A Soldier is Welcomed to Kenya by a Young Child
Photo from UK Ministry of Defence

A discussion about Rites of Manhood on the Sons of Adam podcast concluded with a challenge to come up with a list of defining traits for mature manhood. What I expected to take an hour or two of thinking took much longer.

The Challenge

At first it seemed straightforward to try to make a list of manly traits. As I tried to do that I realized that I had to decide what I was listing. Traits that are consistent with manhood include traits that are simply part of being an adult whether male or female (like taking responsibility) while other traits that are consistent with manhood are traits that are natural to males whether they have achieved manhood or not (such as a proclivity for physical exertion).

Others may choose differently than I did but I chose to approach this from the perspective of what traits I would seek to instill in boys in order for them to achieve manhood. This means that my list more closely aligns with a list of traits that are consistent with being an adult than with a list of masculine tendencies. I did try to define how each of these traits is important as it relates to being genuinely manly.

The order of the traits listed is simply the order in which they coalesced in my thinking.

Categories
culture Education

Boys Adrift

Everyone who expects to interact with boys or men under the age of 50 should read this book. I’ve stewed on this for weeks since reading it in an attempt to digest the content and decide how to convey the importance of this book. In the end I have concluded that I can hardly do it justice but I have to spread the word. I’d like to do so by summarizing the five factors that – as the subtitle suggests – drive the growing epidemic of unmotivated boys and underachieving young men.

Changes at School

Speaking especially of the changes to the first years of school which have become much more academic than they used to be, our approach to education is generally incompatible with the developmental trajectory of most boys. Finland consistently scores near the top of international rankings of student achievement while starting school at age seven. In the United States there is talk of pushing the beginning of formal education back to age four.

Another aspect of schooling that is out of line with male learning patterns is the nearly exclusive focus on academic knowledge – facts and figures – while minimizing experiential knowledge. I see signs that there are efforts to change this in our schools but I think we are somewhat handicapped by the fact that English only has one word for both types of knowledge while most other languages have two different words for those types of knowledge.

Video Games

This is not a slam on all video games or a call to ban anything but research has shown that video games have the ability to help some gamers to dissociate from the real world. The mechanism is especially effective at subverting the motivation mechanisms in male brains so that they lose the appetite for pursuing other interests.

We need to become more conscious of the potential harms of video games and of the symptoms that indicate that a boy is being harmed by them,  especially as parents.

Medications for ADHD

Not unlike video games (although not through the same physiological mechanisms), the medications for ADHD interfere with the motivational mechanisms in the brains of boys and we are prescribing these medications orders of magnitude more often than we used to. (The way motivation works physiologically in girls is different from boys and I don’t know if the ADHD medications have the same demotivating effect on girls.)

Studies have shown that ADHD medications do affect behavior and improve academic performance even in children without ADHD so taking the medications is not a valid way to test whether your child has ADHD. With or without ADHD, taking these medications will leave boys demotivated once the medications are withdrawn.

Endocrine Disruptors

We’ve all heard about BPA and the fact that it’s bad for us. This is just one well known example of an endocrine disruptor. This and other endocrine disruptors have the effect of mimicking female hormones such as estrogen. In extreme cases this has been shown to cause male fish to produce eggs instead of sperm. Among humans documented effects of these chemicals include early-onset of puberty in girls, delayed-onset of puberty in boys, increased weight gain in both genders, increased reproductive problems in boys, and they may possibly be linked to decreased bone density in boys.

The Revenge of the Forsaken Gods

Unlike the other factors this one is not even remotely self-explanatory. The name comes from an email to the author. The author uses this phrase to refer to the fact that boys do not become men without men who around them modeling pro-social traits of manhood.

Boys learn what positive manhood is from interacting with men who have matured and learned how to be good men. As we get more busy, segregate more and more between youth and adults, and turn every activity into a coed event, the opportunities for boys and young men to learn good masculine behavior in an environment free from the distractions of trying to impress the young women or show off for their peers who know nothing more about manhood than they do have grown scarce in many parts of society.

My Recommendation

This book needs to be very widely read so that more people can take action to counteract the effects of these five factors. The best thing we could do for our society would be to make this knowledge ubiquitous and make adjustments until this book becomes virtually irrelevant because we have altered the trends that have been setting our young men adrift for the last few decades.