After years of learning about myself in various jobs I began to have a greater understanding of what kinds of work really interested me. Following the advise and conclusions I reached from reading Paul Graham’s “How to Do What You Love” I began to seek ways to focus more on doing what I was good at in my work than those things that were mundane or tedious for me.

Interestingly the first real breakthrough for me came when I gave myself permission to dislike my job. Not that I was actively trying to dislike my job but that I relinquished the burden that came with the assumption that I must like my work. Related to that, I stopped worrying about how others might perceive my efforts at work. I abandoned the pretense that I must stay at work longer to make sure I got the minimum number of expected hours at times when I could not do anything effective with the time. Previously I stayed longer so that nobody could question my effort as a way to compensate for the fact that I had not been connecting with the current work and thus was not able to use the time effectively.

When I no longer wasted energy being disappointed with myself when I had finished a day that left me unhappy with my occupation I soon found that I was doing better work and doing more of what I was good at because I had more energy. I also had more energy at work because I no longer sat in a vegetative state at my desk to maintain an image of being committed to work during those times when I was unable to effectively make any progress on my work.

I soon found that the result of giving myself permission to dislike my job was that I was enjoying my job more than I had previously – all without changing jobs. On top of that I began to discover what things about my job I really enjoyed and it was not exactly the same set of things I would have predicted. Specifically the things I enjoyed about my job were not all the same things that I had expected to enjoy about my job when I took the job in the first place.

As I grew in my understanding of myself and felt more energized in my work I began to do better work for my employer and I began to be a little more assertive in taking on new projects and that I hoped would fit my talents. I felt much better about what I was doing and knew that I was providing more value to my employer even in weeks where I did not put in a full forty hours than I had been providing before when I was putting in forty-five hours less productively. (Feeling disconnected from my job as I previously had there was no way I’d have been induced to work over forty-five hours in a week before my work began to improve.)

As I began to proactively take on new tasks and make use of my talents I came to a conclusion within a few months that was now unwelcome to me – my employer would not have the ability to keep me busy with the kind of work I was thriving on in my then-current position. When I saw that fact I began to keep my eyes open for another opportunity with my same employer where they would be able to provide enough of the kind of work that worked for me so that I could stay engaged. Not very long later I saw an internal posting for a position that sounded promising but before I could apply for the position it was closed. As far as I could tell it had not been filled but perhaps was going to be reposted with updated requirements. That is where providence stepped in.

I started paying closer attention to the internal postings in hopes of finding another promising sounding position. After a number of weeks I saw a posting that appeared to be the same position I had missed out on before. Needless to say, I did not wait to apply for that position – after all, I had made sure my resume was up to date when I had encountered the previous posting for the position. A couple of weeks passed without any feedback but considering the size and culture of our organization I knew that they were unlikely to rush into interviewing anyone the moment that they received an application. Then one day I got an unexpected email from a recruiter at a nearby organization. He asked if I might be interested in considering a position he was trying to fill. Knowing that I needed to find something, I took the opportunity to learn more about the position that he had in mind but I was not anxious to leave my employer. Over the course of a couple of interviews and a number of questions I discovered that the position they had in mind was focused on the most important characteristic I was looking for in a job. I was hesitant not only to leave my existing employer but also because the position was also heavily centered on one characteristic that I had concluded that I was not looking for in a position.

I finally concluded that the most important characteristic was more important that the potential for the characteristic I did not think I was interested in and I accepted their offer. Practically on the first day of my new job I was given a copy of Strengths Finder 2.0 which virtually revolves around the question “Do you have the opportunity to do what you do best every day?” I knew then why I had been attracted to this new team and I felt assured that I would thrive in this new position.

Late in my second week on the new job I was called by my previous employer regarding the position I had applied for months earlier but by then I was not looking back. Now, after only three weeks I can see clearly that the job characteristic that I thought I would not like was actually not a problem for me, I had simply conflated it with other characteristics that did not work for me. I am loving this – both the new job, and the personal transformation that prepared me for it.

This morning as I went to the temple I began to wonder if I was in the middle of a common conference tradition of going to the temple to mentally prepare for General Conference (or to make up for the fact that a weekly Saturday trip would not be possible with the temple closed on conference weekend). It was busier than I have seen it before with almost as many people waiting to perform ordinances as performing them. It was so busy that the man who normally keeps everything in order flawlessly was hard-pressed to keep everything straight with so many people coming, waiting, and going.

As I thought about it throughout the day I considered some other conference traditions that we are trying to establish in our family. We have developed a tradition of having some fun treats in stock for the weekend so that the kids can be more self-maintaining and so that they can look forward to the conference weekend. We also have a tradition of going out to dinner as a family the night before conference as a fun way to start a long weekend. I am also trying to establish a tradition of taking Friday (or most of Friday) off of work so that I can do any tasks that would normally be saved for the weekend in order to allow myself to focus on the conference rather than dividing my attention with other tasks.

All in all, I think we have some good traditions to work on so that conference weekends are getting to be perhaps our third biggest holiday of the year at our house.

When Google+ started there were a lot more people wanting to get in than there were openings—it reminded me a lot of the launch of Gmail in that way. One big difference for me was that I got an account less than 24 hours after the launch where I had to wait weeks for Gmail (thus preventing me from getting simply my name as an email address which was one of the major reasons why I wanted an invite). With Google+ I was in early enough that there was no link to invite people most of the time.

Once things settled down I thought it was interesting that unlike Gmail invites in the early days there was no number indicating how many invites I could offer. I don’t know when that changed (I don’t look at the invite link generally) but I just noticed today that I have 150 invites available (I only have 96 in Gmail—as if they had any purpose anymore).

When I saw that I thought I should try to find people who wanted invites but in trying to find requests all I found were a bunch of articles talking about the current status of invites and a few posts of people offering invites. I noticed that they generally asked for something in return (“like me on Facebook” or “follow me on twitter” for example).

I decided to make my own offer: let me know that you want an invite and I’ll send you one at the email address of your choice. I don’t care how you let me know but leaving a comment is probably the simplest way. Anyway you choose, I’ll give them out on a first come, first served basis.

UPDATE: I’m not entirely sure how simple this will be but here is a direct link to use one of my invites. If anyone tries that link I would appreciate at least one person leaving a comment to tell me how well it worked.

UPDATE 2: Lots of people used my direct link without making comments as evidenced by the fact that I have no more invites and nowhere near 150 comments here. If anyone still wants an invite you can let me know and I will send invites as they become available.

Last night Savannah asked me what time I went out weeding in the mornings. I told her 6:00 and apparently she set her alarm for 6:30 this morning so she could join me. When she came out I was still finishing scriptures but then we went out together and I taught her the tips to pulling weeds among plants you would like to keep. So not only was I pulling weeds this morning, I was growing workers.

When I got inside I discovered that not only had I been training up a new worker I also had an audience while we were out there:

From the way Alyssa talked after we came in I have the feeling that I may soon have two kids out working beside me on some mornings.

photo credit: mfhiatt

Last month as I was leaving the South Davis Recreation Center I got bumped by a young driver as I was exiting the parking lot. Normally that is not the kind of thing I would write about but I wanted to thank the insurance company of that young driver for taking care of me so well.

I filed the claim with Travelers Insurance the morning of the accident and from that first phone call to the time the repairs were complete they totally took care of me.

They sent the check promptly and as soon as I made the arrangements for the actual repairs they had a rental car reserved for me within two hours. The last pleasant surprise came when I returned the rental car to Enterprise even the agent there was impressed that they had settled the bill before I even returned the car.

I only hope that my insurance company gives this kind of service when someone has a claim there.

There are two primary elements of Parent Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT). The  initial element is Child Directed Interaction (CDI). This interaction is intended to strengthen the fundamental relationship between parent and child. The parents have the opportunity to see their child in a situation where the child feels safe and in control where they can pay uninterrupted attention to their child and practice some skills of interaction that help the child to feel that they are valued and appreciated. This should set the stage for the second element called Parent Directed Interaction (PDI).

CDI is meant to be a fairly free time for the child to express themselves it is surprisingly structured. Our therapist has recommended that we get a box filled with toys and activities that can be used for this interaction time. The child is then allowed to choose which toy or activity during each session. Sessions are short enough that the child should only be playing with one type of toy or activity during a given session.

While there are no strict rules about what specific toys or activities should be included there are plenty of guidelines about what types of play should be avoided. Activities which require the establishment of strict boundaries are discouraged lest the boundaries begin to interfere with the child’s play. Games where there are set rules are not recommended for much the same reason. Toys or games which encourage violence or aggressive behavior (guns, and games of cowboys and Indians are examples that were cited in the handouts we were given) are also to be avoided. Some of those things I could have guessed but I would not have thought about avoiding imagination games. While the child should be free to express themselves it is not helpful for these interactions to have the child or the adult pretending to be something other than themselves.

Some of the items that were recommended were games such as Lincoln Logs, erector sets or other building-block types of toys. Around our house we already have Wedgits and train sets.  Also cars or stuffed animals or other small toys can work well. Playdough is one that can work for some kids, allowing for creative play, but it is also one that would not work for other children who might use the playdough in ways that would destroy the effectiveness of the interaction time (like grinding it into the carpet or eating it).

During the interaction parents are supposed to focus on the child and practice a set of “do” skills while avoiding a set of “don’t” skills.

The “do” skills are:

• Behavioral Description – where the parent describes what he child is doing. This is supposed to help the child see that the parent is interested and paying attention.
• Reflection – where the parent repeats or paraphrases things that the child is saying. This again shows the child that the parent is paying attention and that they are being heard.
• Labeled Praise – where the parent states specific things that the child is doing well. Considering that this therapy is with children who tend to spend a lot of time in trouble, this is a good time for them to realize that their parents do not think they are all bad.

The “do” skills can be remembered using the acronym PRIDE: Praise, Reflect, Imitate, Describe, Enthusiasm. Imitate and Enthusiasm are not in the list above but by imitating the child the parent helps to make sure that the child is in charge of what is happening rather that having the child begin following the parent in their play activities. Enthusiasm is meant to remind parents that they need to be upbeat during this interaction rather than simply putting in time and plodding through as if it were some painful homework assignment.

The “don’t” skills are:

• Don’t give commands.
• Don’t ask questions.
• Don’t make critical statements or be sarcastic.

These things tend to take the initiative away from the child and put the parent back in charge – which is not the point of the CDI interaction time. I was surprised to see that asking questions was on the don’t list until it was explained that questions lead the conversations, and they can serve as implicit commands or display disapproval. Of course giving commands and asking questions are appropriate at times but not during the CDI time.

CDI time should be done daily and should generally be independent of the child’s behavior but if the child is acting inappropriately during the CDI time parents have two ways to deal with the inappropriate behavior. Most of the time they should ignore the behavior by not looking at the child or speaking to them about the behavior. As soon as the child does something appropriate the parent should immediately praise the appropriate behavior so that the child is getting attention only for their appropriate actions. If the inappropriate behavior is destructive or aggressive the parents have a second option – they can stop the CDI time and cite the behavior that caused it to end. Note that the parent should not reinstate the playtime even if the child apologizes. They need to see that their destructive or aggressive actions have consequences that will not go away simply because they apologize after the fact.

This has been an essentially clinical description of CDI. In the future I will talk about our particular experience with CDI including obstacles we have faced and outcomes that we have been able to observe as a result of CDI.

When all attempts at progress either backfire or have no discernible effect its time to seek further insight and experience. Such has been the case for us recently as we have found it impossible with only the expertise of ourselves and our families to address the unacceptable behaviors that have been grinding upon the life of one of our children and by extension adding tension and discomfort in the lives of everyone else in the family. Our first visit with the therapist introduced a very hopeful path for us called Parent-Child Interaction Therapy. After the visit I started doing some research to find out what else I could learn about this therapy. What I found was that virtually all the information available was directed at a clinical audience – in other words it was all textbooks for therapists and those studying to become therapists. Besides that, I also learned as I talked with our therapist at the next visit about what I had found, that much of the information that is available is either inaccurate or simply out of date. She said that it seems that those with experience with PCIT have little interest in making information available to a lay audience because the information is most valuable when professional coaching is being given to the parents as they implement the principles of PCIT. While I have no expectation that parents without the help of a trained therapist would be able to get the full benefits of PCIT, I also believe that parents who are hearing about this and wondering if it really is useful for their situation, or perhaps parents like us before we met with our therapist who recognize a problem like ours but have no idea what might finally give them the breakthrough they need, should have more information available that is geared towards them which would provide an overview of the therapy. Because of that I have determined to take notes of our journey through PCIT and write publicly about this little adventure.

Right now we are right at the beginning so, by way of introduction, let me share one already published resource that those who are interested may seek out. When I talked to our therapist about the lack of information she directed me to seek out the book Parenting the Strong-Willed Child. She explained that it was a companion to the clinical book Helping the Noncompliant Child which addresses Oppositional Behavior. While that is not exactly our issue it is somewhat similar and the book is geared towards parents which is better than anything we have been able to find on PCIT.

While I intend to share this in a way that is hopefully useful for anyone who is exploring, considering, or experiencing PCIT, I also want to share it in a personal way, rather than from some sterile, theoretical but parent-targeted perspective. That leaves me trying to figure out exactly where to share details and where to stick to generalities. In the spirit of that balancing act, let me just start by saying that I won’t be sharing the name of our therapist unless at some point I get her permission to do so. For purposes of comparison by those who might be exploring this type of therapy let me say that PCIT is geared towards children between the ages of 2 and 9. We currently have four children in that age range and while we are doing this therapy for a specific child I can already see principles and skills in the therapy that will prove useful in dealing with others of our children as well.

photo credit: avinashkunnath

It’s time to set the record straight on the difference between the best BCS football programs and the best non-BCS football programs in response to the ill-advised and self-serving comments of Ohio State President E. Gordon Gee. TCU did their part responding on the field by beating 11-1 Big Ten co-champion Wisconsin (from Mr. Gee’s own BCS conference) and people have noticed.

Mr. Gee’s claim was that the schedule in a non-BCS conference could not compare to the schedule in a BCS conference. The fact is that conference schedules account for only 2/3 of the season and that strong BCS programs rarely play a decent opponent outside of their conference. They’re too busy playing the “Little Sisters of the Poor”—either weak teams from weak conferences or teams that do not even play at the FBS level. (Of course there are some rivalry exceptions but they are a minority of non-conference contests among BCS programs.) Non-BCS programs spend most of their non-conference games playing the toughest teams that are willing to agree to play from BCS conferences.

I would agree with Mr. Gee that the schedules of schools in BCS conferences are generally harder than the schedules of schools in non-BCS conferences but the difference is not nearly as vast as Mr. Gee implied.

I am not one to advocate for an NCAA football playoff. I don’t take the sport seriously enough to worry about whether there is some dissent about who really is the national champion each year. But so long as you are having a game that is billed as the championship game you ought to do what you can to ensure that the most deserving teams play in that game.

There is a simple fix that would help to do that. I know that as long as there is only one game and more than two undefeated teams there will be someone left out—just ask Auburn from 2004—but if the BCS simply acknowledged that what happens on the field is more important in determining the best teams than any theoretical strength of schedule by adopting a rule that so long as there are only one or two undefeated teams at the end of the season any undefeated team is guaranteed to play in the championship game and then use the BCS rankings as a tiebreaker among undefeated teams and separately among teams that have at least one loss.

The fact is that there is only one year in BCS history that would have been changed. Such a rule would have guaranteed that Utah, as the only undefeated team at the end of the regular season, would have played in the championship game with a chance to prove that they really were the best that year. There is no way to know if they would have beat Florida (or Oklahoma who they would have played in the title game that year) but at least they would have had the opportunity.

It might even be acceptable to put a caveat on that rule that it only applies to undefeated teams that have played in a BCS game before – thus helping to address the extremely remote possibility of a team from the Sun Belt Conference (as an example) going undefeated through a weak conference while winning all four of their non-conference games against BCS opponents who by some twist of fate all ended up having losing seasons that year. They would still deserve a berth in a BCS game, I would think, but perhaps not the title game against a 12-1 BCS conference champion.

Our bishop has a wonderful tradition during tithing settlement that I have really enjoyed. Each year as we sit down to make a declaration regarding our status as tithe-payers the bishop takes the opportunity to give us a gift of some doctrinal document that is not part of our scriptural canon.

It was exciting during his first year of tithing settlement (our first year in this ward so we didn’t initially realize that this was a tradition he was starting) the Bishop gave each member of the family – all six of us (kids included) – copies of The Family: A Proclamation to the World printed up in a size that fits inside a standard sized copy of the scriptures.

The next year he gave us seven copies, sized for a standard set of scriptures, of The Living Christ: The Testimony of the Apostles (he gave us one for Enoch even as young as he was). This year I was curious what he might give us. Those two documents are the two things I would be least surprised to one day see added to our scriptural canon. When we went to tithing settlement I was excited, in the wake of General Conference (which Bishop said was his inspiration for the choice), that Bishop gave us eight copies (one for Noah even though he was not yet born) of President Benson’s 1989 talk Beware of Pride in a standard scriptural size and broken into verses.

After weeks of Laura feeling like she was ready to be done with this pregnancy (despite the fact that we hoped it would last a little longer to get a few more things done around the house) we got the news on Tuesday that the midwife was concerned that the baby was breech. She had Laura go to the hospital to have the baby turned on Wednesday and said that if the baby was breech again for the visit next week she would want us to turn the baby again and induce labor. We spent a couple of days expecting to enter next week with the prospect of inducing labor – someone had other ideas.

Laura was having contractions off and on for much of Friday. After a Thanksgiving dinner with my side of the family we came home and Laura had concluded that labor was imminent. She planned to go to bed when we got home (at 5:00 pm) so that she could be rested. She took a sleeping pill and laid down – not five minutes later her water broke.

The labor was exciting based on the fact that she had a sleeping pill encouraging her body to postpone labor counteracted by Pitocin in her IV. To make matters more fun, as we neared the crowning the midwife discovered that the baby was oriented oddly again – face first. At 9:11 a swollen and bruised face emerged – just as the midwife had forewarned us when she discovered the orientation – and as I looked to finally identify the gender we had not previously determined I told Laura that “we have a Noah.”

Up to that point we had decided that I would choose the middle name if we had a boy but I had not yet settled on one. I soon knew what name to use – Noah Thomas Miller.

At 6 lbs. 8oz. and 20″ long he’s a healthy and happy little man.