Categories
life

Family Man

Father Holding Daughter's Hand
Photo by Spirit Fire

I have decided to more completely dedicate myself to my family and nothing else and to do so in an orderly fashion. A thought struck me again about how much more I noticed and recorded in my kids’ lives years ago so that my younger kids have almost no record and the older kids have no recent record. I decided that in order to fix that I would need to spend more focused time with each of the kids. That’s tough to do since things are so busy but I need to do it so I have decided that I will carve out half an hour each day Monday through Thursday to spend with one child. That will allow me to have time with each of my children regularly. On Fridays that equivalent time would be folded into date night (date night is longer than 30 minutes of course). Saturday I will carve out some dedicated time to working on some project around the house (there’s always something that has been neglected which that time could be used for) and then Sunday is dedicated to spiritual pursuits.

How to schedule this in is the real trick. I already get up and do any exercise and study before I go to work which I do before anybody else is up for the day. (Sometimes my oldest will be up reading or one of my younger boys will be up asking for a snack as I run out the door.) Once I get home from work I have to make dinner, feed the family, and do the dishes before getting people to bed. Somewhere in that time I need to allow the rest of the family to coast unsupervised while I create a bubble of attention around the child of the day. We can do an activity, work on homework, or talk during that time.

I hope that the dedicated half hour will help me be more perceptive and have things to record about each child more regularly. I created a rotation that would feel somewhat random to the kids but make sure that they each got regular attention within each cycle. I started this last week and have had time with most of the kids by now and I believe this will yield the results I have been hoping for. A few more cycles should make it obvious but already I can see that the kids are anxious to have time with me rather than seeing me as the big bad ogre all the time.

Categories
politics technology

Net Neutrality vs Open Infrastructure

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Image by Steve Rhodes

Adam Kenigsberg did a very brave thing in posting a case against Net Neutrality and inviting his friends to “start a vigorous debate in the comment thread.” As someone who has long been interested in Net Neutrality and who has vacillated between favoring it, opposing it, and being undecided about it I was interested in what would follow before I even saw the comment thread.

Notes and Context

The case against Net Neutrality was written by David Veksler who has written quite a number of interesting cases for and against a variety of things. If you enjoy thoughtful consideration of issues his cases deserve a look. I wanted to make that clear lest anyone think that my deconstruction of his case indicated any lack of respect for his approach to this or any other topic. I would also note that his case was written more than 7 years ago. Much has changed about the internet and the surrounding industries in that time. For example, AOL was still merged with Time Warner at the time and Facebook had been open to the public for less than a year and wouldn’t have its IPO for another five years after this case was published.

Categories
culture

Promiscuity Culture is a War on Women

EoS

In a mere seven sentences, the latter part of this article exposes how a culture of promiscuity constitutes a real war on women in four points.

In work done by sociologist Paula England, more than half of college women surveyed reported feeling less respected by men after casual sex. Meanwhile, college men are less interested than women in a relationship both before and after sex. In addition, more women reported highly unsatisfying sexual encounters, often feeling that they were treated as sexual objects by the men involved.

Yet they continued to have casual sex anyway, because when the cost of sex is low, women feel enormous pressure to give in. Many men even expect this–so much so that survey data indicate 3-5 percent of college women are victims of rape or attempted rape every year.

Yet the victimization doesn’t end there. When contraception fails, whether after consensual casual sex or an alcohol-fueled dorm-rape, men turn to abortion as a way to mitigate their responsibility.

Let’s go beyond my initial “well, duh” reaction and explore the why behind and the implications coming from each of these points.

Categories
Local politics

Endorsing Laura Belnap

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School board elections tend to fly under the radar compared to other elections in Utah. I suspect that at least part of the reason for that is that they are non-partisan so candidates aren’t affiliated with a party (at least as far as their campaigns are concerned) and the parties aren’t involved in promoting the campaigns of any candidate for those offices. I’m not going to make any argument about whether that is good or bad, but I feel confident that it is a natural consequence of having these be non-partisan. As a voter I have generally felt less informed about School Board candidates before they are elected and the records of Schoold Board members after they are elected than I do about candidates and holders of other offices. Because of that traditional lack of feeling informed I have decided that despite being busy and foregoing other endorsements this cycle I am going to make this endorsement of Laura Bellnap for State School Board.

Laura Belnap stands head and shoulders above her opponent in her understanding of the way to address the issues in our education system in Utah. She recognizes the importance of keeping parents informed and involved to ensure that their children get the best available education. She recognizes the value of technology from an educaitonal perspective without blindly thinking that technology alone will solve all our problems. She is also able to see the value of Common Core along with the pitfalls of it where too many people see only one side or the other.

It is because I expect that many voters are in the same boat I have often been in with regard to school board elections that I consider it important to share my perspective when I feel that one candidate so solidly stands above the other in this important race.

Categories
Local politics State

Ballot Issues

After seeing the ballot for this election cycle I quickly spotted a number of problems with the ballot. These weren’t issues with the ballot being faulty. They were (generally) manifestations on the ballot of problems within our political system and climate. Here is the ballot I received:

Ballot Issues

Issues

Empty Ballot

This really isn’t a problem unless the ballot stays empty (which this one won’t). The problem is that there are always thousands of ballots (millions nationwide) that remain empty. This is, functionally, the simplest of the problems to fix – people just need to take the time to vote. (If only it were really that simple.)

Long Ballot

This ballot is 8½ X 17 and it fills out the first side and most of the second. That is too many races and issues for most people to pay attention to and cast informed votes on in a single cycle. It practically guarantees uninformed voting.

Categories
culture

Pornography and Addiction

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Image by Dalibor Levícek

Art of Manliness recently did a series of articles on pornography which covered the history, neurochemistry, and consequences of porn use from a scientific and data-backed perspective. The whole series is worth reading and if you think porn is harmless or even beneficial it will have you checking your assumptions on the subject. As much as I liked the series I was mildly disappointed that when discussing the pitfalls of too much porn use Brett refused to call pornography an addiction. Here’s his take:

What about when porn use turns into a full-blown addiction? Is that another one of its pitfalls? Can it even truly become an addiction or is it just a habit?

Suffice it to say, these questions are the subject of much heated debate.

Currently the DSM-5, the Bible of psychiatric diagnosis (which, just like the actual Bible, is super controversial) does not consider behaviors like porn use, eating, or gambling, to be addictions. Only dependence on substances, like drugs, alcohol, and nicotine, are “officially” considered addictions. You can have a look at the criteria the DSM-5 lays out for substance abuse dependence, here. The list includes things like strong cravings for the substance, the creation of professional and relationship problems, needing more and more of the substance to get the same high as before, difficulty quitting, and withdrawal symptoms when doing so.

Looking over that list, one can easily see how certain behaviors outside drug and alcohol use would seem to qualify as an addiction. Millions of people have reported behaviors like compulsive gambling, shopping, and web surfing as meeting several of the criteria.

So, while the DSM-5 still does not currently consider behaviors to technically be addictions, a case could be made for labeling compulsive porn viewing as such. Different studies have both supported and contradicted the idea of porn being addictive. Given the length of this post, I won’t go into the details of these studies; this article from the APA does a good job examining the two sides of the issue. Ultimately, drawing the line between habit and addiction is always going to be subjective, no matter what scientific research and opinions are brought to bear on the question.

I also admit that there isn’t a consensus agreeing that pornography can be an addiction but I want to explore why I think Brett is wrong to reject that label.

Categories
culture

Shifting Responsibility in Sexual Assault

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Photo by Eric Parker

While I fully agree with the basic premise of this article that blaming the victim is inappropriate I think the article perpetuates the longstanding tradition of oversimplifying the fundamental issue. Here are two examples of that. First:

Males and females alike must know they are responsible for their bodies and their actions — that they have an unassailable right to decide whether someone else can touch them or not. They have a right to be safe. And they have an absolute duty to respect those rights in others.

At first glance that’s all true but it’s obviously oversimplified because stating that everyone has an absolute duty to respect the right of others to decide whether someone else can touch them or not hints that people ought to be able to rely on those around them to uphold that absolute duty. In other words, nothing the victim chooses should bear any scrutiny because the aggressor had an absolute duty. To say that how a potential victim dresses, acts, or talks has no bearing on the actions of potential aggressors is naive at best. While the aggressor should bear full responsibility for their actions, we must acknowledge that aggressors rarely choose their victims at random. The vast majority of the time they will be seeking some specific characteristics or vulnerabilities in their victims and the dress, speech, and actions of the potential victims will play into their calculations regarding whether any given target is the kind of victim they would seek.

Categories
culture Education State

It’s not sexuality OR self-expression

Bingham High School
Photo by Photo Dean

Despite how the media and students are portraying the situation, the Bingham High dress code fiasco isn’t about sexuality nor is it about self-expression despite what this article in the Standard Examiner suggests.

They got their spin from the girl who led the protest walkout on Monday. She said this:

I understand having a dress code but when it comes down to a dance that’s our time to be rewarded for being good students and we should be able to express ourselves.

She’s trying to claim self expression but notice that there is no complaint about the dress code itself. “She understands having a dress code” and she makes no claim that its too restrictive or unreasonable. She simply wishes that it would be ignored for the dance despite the fact that the school did everything to make sure that students understood the dress code for the dance.

Categories
religion

The Truth of Prosperity Theology

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Photo by Alpha Lim

More and more among spiritually attuned people I hear warnings against the dangers and falsehoods found in prosperity theology. If I were inexperienced in my spiritual and theological awakening I would think this was some new cancer entering the culture of Christianity. The truth is that prosperity theology isn’t new. An internet search on the subject will bring up the idea that it has been around for 60 or 70 years. (see Wikipedia) The truth is that such doctrine has been around for thousands of years – popping up from time to time as circumstances make it effective in drawing followers. I personally suspect that if you knew where to look in any prosperous society in history you would soon uncover some variant of the prosperity gospel.

Categories
culture

Responsibility as the Core of Manliness

Manly Ideals
Photo by Meg Stewart

In February I asked this question: “What one word most closely encapsulates what it means to be a man?” In my mind the word was “responsibility” and while there were other good responses to the question they all fell in that same vein. When JP and Bryce first began reviewing lists of the essential traits of manhood on the Sons of Adam podcast I noticed that JP kept calling out how the various traits each came down to a man taking some form of responsibility.

After comparing my list with Bryce’s list and again after JP’s list was discussed, I decided that I would like to call out the element of responsibility in each item of each list. I’ll explain and group items together as it seems appropriate.